trying

Track(s) of the moment
Every Avenue - Between You And I
Go:audio - Why

so yeah. as the title states. i'm trying. trying in what? many things. going to try and do at least 3 entries a week. and maybe continue to pursue my dream of finding the perfect picture of the sky. since i've found my camera it's a can do i guess. but yeah. i guess this week has been pretty eventful for me. big changes. but eh. life goes on right? right. this time i wont fall. cause skydiving without a parachute is just nonsense right? keep my heart in a vicegrip. but okay this is enough for now i guess. just a short update entry stating what i plan to do.

~just let me scream my heart out for the moment. then i'll be done with it all.

officially bitter

yep. once again.

i have the great urge to vent about how i feel. i need to find a place to just scream and scream and scream some more. get everything off my chest. while i'm at it get everything out of my chest. so yeah. today. i'm single. and yet it's ironic. cause once again. the girl i loved. left me for the same reason that laura, my ex who utterly annihilated my heart, she just wasn't ready... so there goes whats left of my heart. i mean. i dont blame her. in truth. i still love her (not laura). i've been around the block a few times. i know what i want in life. i know where i wanna go and what i wanna do. but i guess since it was her first relationship it was a bit different. it's nice that she told me what she did in cali. doesn't change the fact that it hurt. and she should've just never said she loved me in the first place. cause now i got a nice big scar to add to the collection. it just gets me mad thinking about it all. cause i asked her time and time again if she was really sure of going through with this. it's gonna be long distant since she's going to college in cali. she'll meet new people. she'll find someone better. in which she probably did if kissing him meant anything. but in the end. she still said yes when i asked her out. i knew she was gonna break up with me sooner or later. i wasn't the best boyfriend out there. but it hurts to think that maybe she forced herself to go out with me. all the i love you's were forced. pulling me along with that enticing smiles and those ever so intoxicating eyes of hers. and with it i layed all i had down and broke the brick wall i used to hide myself. yet i'm still left here feeling at a loss. even if i think back and wonder why she agreed to be my girlfriend. what can i do? whats done is done. and now it's over. people say if you love someone let them go. but if i let go now. i'm done. i refuse to come back to someone again. i came back too many times already. 5. 10. 20 years from now it wont matter. cause it's settled. my heart is already stone cold. but eh i went off on random things.

i'd like to close it saying it's not your fault. it's mines for being stupid. and thanks for everything.